How To Heal Your Pain

If I thought I could tell you how to heal your pain in one post then I would definitely need to get my head checked and retire as a life coach.  Just to clarify, when I use the word pain, I’m referring to physical, emotional, and mental pain; basically anything that causes you to suffer in your life.  If your pain causes you to suffer, then you are dealing with dirty pain and we want to get to the bottom of it and relieve your pain/suffering.  If your pain doesn’t cause you to suffer, then you are probably dealing with clean pain, or you’ve already done a lot of work on yourself and you are able to think clearer and more truthfully.  I’m going to give you an example of what exactly I mean when I say pain that causes you to suffer and pain that doesn’t cause you to suffer.

We, as humans, are excellent storytellers.  Some of us like to tell an uplifting and positive story (either through discipline or being blessed with a naturally optimistic viewpoint) while some of us like to tell our stories like we are victims of our life.  Let’s compare two women who have both gone through similar divorces.  The first woman tells herself that the divorce shouldn’t have happened, that she’ll be lonely forever, that she’ll never be loved again, and that she is worthless, while the second woman tells herself that this really is for the best, that there is no point to stay together if they don’t both love each other, that this will give her quality time to spend with herself, that she will find someone to share her life with again someday, and that she is a worthwhile person who just didn’t jive with her hubby anymore.  Now, I want to be very clear here!  Both women are still dealing with pain from the separation of a loved one, but this pain is clean.  Experiencing this clean pain is part of the healthy grieving process that everyone needs to go through when dealing with loss and major/minor catastrophic events.  The dirty pain that causes such suffering comes from the negative thoughts that the first woman has.  She is creating enormous amounts of stress in her body from the constant, spiralling negative thoughts she has about herself and her future.  Make sense?

So, if you are one of those people who are suffering from emotional, physical, or mental pain, how do you heal the pain?  How do you cure the pain?  If you’re looking for the magic pill to cure your depression, anxiety, worrisome thoughts, interstitial cystitis, back pain, fibromyalgia, unhappiness, sadness, weight issues, or any other chronic pain or uncomfortable and unwanted emotion, I’m sorry to say that you ain’t going to find it here, or anywhere else for that matter!  There is no magic pill.  No magic purple potion.  But there is definitely a way to cure your pain.  But it involves way more than choking down a horse pill.  You can heal your pain by starting on a dedicated, exhilarating, confusing, surprising, and fulfilling journey; a journey that isn’t a simple walk in the park, but a meaningful and worthwhile trek in an untamed jungle where the map is written in an obscure language.  It’s a journey of discovering who you really are and what you really want out of life.  So instead of handing you a magic potion, I can give you the magic ingredients.  I can provide you with information and useful tools for you to use over time, so slowly, you’ll get clearer and clearer and your pain will slowly disappear over time, just like how my interstitial cystitis disappeared.  Although I started my journey to relieve physical pain, my journey is now focused on following my feel good and living the life I was meant to live and serving the people I was meant to serve.  I am so thankful that I embarked on this journey, because I would definitely not be doing what lights me up if I hadn’t been blessed with a body that talked to me.

So keep on following me if you’re up for living an authentic, healthy, and life without pain…

A quote that helped me during times of pain:

“You can allow yourself to be a work of art, unique, intriguing, perhaps unusual, imperfect, not everybody’s style, but something to be treasured, always.” – Abigail Steidley

Click here to listen to Martha Beck coaches Abigail Steidley and Linda Ford talk about The Law of Attraction. It is a good example of how your thoughts cause your suffering. Enjoy!


8 thoughts on “How To Heal Your Pain

  1. In your example of clean pain versus dirty pain it seems to me that both women are telling themselves stories that aren’t true. You make it sound as if you are teaching “the power of positive thinking.” Telling yourself a positive story doesn’t get to the root of the attachment problems and poor communication skills that are learned in childhood and re-enacted with mates and probably caused the break up. I believe real healing begins with re-learning communication skills and getting to the root of pain through psychotherapy. Unfortunately most people don’t want to do the work and look to methods that scratch the surface to make themselves feel better.

    • Joe, thank you for taking the time to read my post and for voicing your opinion. I agree that therapy can be very effective at getting to the root of pain and invaluable when dealing with past trauma. I also agree that both women are telling themselves stories, but the women who is more accepting of her present situation is creating her own freedom in her life. Arguing with reality, in this case the fact that the first woman is going through a divorce and thinks that she shouldn’t be going through a divorce, just adds to the suffering in her life. My intention for this post wasn’t to explain why poor communication skills may lead to divorce, my intention was to express how freeing it can be when you are able to accept what “is” (the present moment/situation). I also believe that drowning oneself in negative thoughts about oneself, others, and situations is a form of poor communication skills with the self, so why not start with re-learning proper communication skills with ourselves first? In my life, I have experienced first-hand the power of accepting my present situation. I am able to think clearer, make better decisions, and move forward easier when I am not weighing myself down with reasons why things should be different.

  2. Nice post, Meghan! I remember first reading about clean & dirty pain in one of Martha Beck’s books, and it made so much sense to me. We do tell ourselves stories, but the brilliant part is that we get to choose which story we want to tell. I’m so thrilled for you that your IC went away! Amazing. Much love to you, my friend.

    • Emily, thanks for reading! I love being able to question my limiting thoughts which opens my eyes to both sides of the situation, and then choose the one that feels truer, which is always the one that feels more freeing to your soul.

  3. Ugh! I can so relate to your stories of the women going through divorce. I think I’ve been both. Without a doubt the days my story spilled out as ‘no one will ever love me, I’ll die destitute AND alone, and no one will care – not even me’ were days of such dire energy sapping, I could barely complete brushing my teeth. Those dirty pain thoughts wouldn’t let me see the ground truth that there were loads of possiblities, of which horrible/destitute/lone/death was the ugliest – but only one of a gazillion. Opening my mind and heart to calmer more loving thoughts, even if they weren’t true at that moment allowed me the energy to join the world and create a new space for myself. It has definitely been a wierd and wonderful ‘journey that isn’t a simple walk in the park, but a meaningful and worthwhile trek in an untamed jungle where the map is written in an obscure language.’ (love your language, Meghan.)

    • Wendy, I’m happy that your openness to better feeling, truer thoughts allowed you to pick yourself up off the floor and “join the world” again!

  4. Such a good point about the added pain we inflict on ourselves! Life is hard enough with the things we can’t control, but then why do we add the stuff on it about how we are somehow at fault, or that somehow we can change it ? That’s where we really twist ourselves in knots. As someone who’s body speaks very loudly like yours Meghan, I am on a similar path to catch myself when I forget and start believing that (so convincing but evil) critical narrator in my head!

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